Big day for us, as we had a morning show and a night show, which is probably not a great idea, but peopl showed up, so I guess I’m a genius. If you want to watch, it’s right here for now, then goes away after a week, because I guess Twitch isn’t made of server space. (even though it literally is physically made of server space, but you know what I mean) Watch it, or not, then read about it, because you’ve got nothing better to do, hopefully.
Watch some wrestlings for the peoples from Turrible666 on www.twitch.tvMatch #1: BATTLE ROYAL – Captain STRUGGLE defeated Gunnar Van Heusen, CANNONBALLS!, Black Panther Mask, Humungulus, BIG TREAT BOY, Peppy Wrght, and the Überklaw in 34:59
STRUGGLE eliminated Gunnar with a 450 Splash at 16:42
Panther Eliminated CANNONBALLS! with a diving enzuigiri at 17:53
Klaw eliminated Panther with a double German at 19:35
Klaw eliminated Humungulus with The Terrible Claw at 21:03
STRUGGLE eliminated TREAT BOY with a triple German at 22:10
Klaw eliminated Peppy with The Terrible Claw at 27:59
STRUGGLE eliminated Klaw with Stone Cold STRUGGLIN’ at 35:59
Nerd Rating: 89% *** 1/2*
This… Well, this sure was a battle royal. There were people everywhere, and they did things, and someone won. C’mon, what do you people want from me? Okay, first of all, Überklaw made a good showing even if he lost, which is something he really needed. We’ve had a lot of guys who’ve been pretty disappointing, and he was near the top of the list. Second, i honestly thought Captain STRUGGLE would be an absolute joke the first time he came into the office, but I don’t know if he’s even lost a match yet. (I could look it up, but eh) He was taking people out left and right in this, even in a battle royal filled with heavyweights and super-heavyweights. Finally, speaking of super-heavyweights, Brain God’s new monster didn’t exactly light the world on fire here. I mean yeah, it was his first time in a wrestling ring and all, but he’s like a thousand pounds and probably has goddamn plutonium running through his veins. Ever since Think Tank Z disappeared, BG’s spent the last eight years trying to build a new man-monster, and so far, they’ve all been failures. Humungulus has a long way to go to convince me he’s not another one.
Match #2: El Grande Chungus defeated Reverend Freakout in 26:32 with a flying body press
Nerd Rating: 92% ****
Chungus finally gets in the win column, and the good Reverend finally makes his debut, now that he’s finally out of that ankle monitor. (It’s a long story that apparently involves a hippie desert cult and some Gila monsters, don’t ask) Anyway, for a middle-aged man who would dissolve a test tube if we tried to give him a blood test, Freakout looked alright out there, and even busted out what appeared to be some sort of literal voodoo magic, which isn’t even the weirdest thing we’ve had to deal with around here, because wrestling. Chungus wins, again illustrating that he’s better off as a singles guy.
HIGHLIGHTS!
Match #3: Patience Halliburton-Vanzetti defeated PARTY TIGER in 26:40 with a Northern Lights Suplex
Nerd Rating: 97% **** 1/2*
Well, I despise Patience and don’t understand how TIGER (all caps, of course) can even stand most of the time, but I have to admit these two tore it up out there. I probably could’ve done with less of TIGER forgetting that she’s in a wrestling match and thinking she’s at a frat party and trying to make out with her opponent, though. (i mean, Patience is a married woman! Sure, she’s cut a swath of destruction through every pool boy, tennis coach, personal trainer, garage door repairman, pizza delivery boy, and leopard-print-clad Diamond Cutter enthusiast in the Tri-State area, but technically married.) I don’t see how The Nerds didn’t finad an extra 3% of nerd points to put this over the three-digit mark, but as I’ve pointed out before, they’re nerds, and they probably hate girls. Because girls don’t like them… Because they hate girls…. Because girls don’t like them… Because they hate girls… and so on, and so forth. Fuckin’ Bix.
HIGHLIGHT!
Match #4: Tupac Machine defeated Uno Muerte wth in 16:14 All Armz on Me
Nerd Rating: 95% ****
These two have amazing chemistry with each other, but then again, Pac Machine is a 20+ year vet who’s a master of this sport, and while heavyweights like Legday and Ferrari argue over who the leader of “the new generation” is or whatever, it’s probably actually someone like Muerte, (I can’t believe I’m saying this) the Captain, or (I really can’t believe I’m saying this) possibly Pam. In the end, you tend to stop doing flips once you think you’re arm’s about to break, so Tupac wins.
HIGHLIGHT!
STATS FOR THE NERDS
Approx length: 1:44 – A reasonable length of time!
Avg. Match length: 26:13
Avg. Match Rating: 93.25 **** (a new record I think, but also four matches)
MATCH OF THE WEEK!
Watch (almost a) FIVE STAR MATCH! – PARTY TIGER vs. Patience Halliburton-Vanzetti from Turrible666 on www.twitch.tvGood show. Go away.