Finishers/Signature Moves: Royal Flush (Shotgun Stunner), Dead Man’s Hand (Sharpshooter) , Running Powerbomb

Affiliations/Relations: The Dream Team (former/founding member), Yumiko La Grange (ex-husband)

Known Rivalries/Feuds: President Evil/The Evil Administration, assorted substances of varying legality

Entrance Theme: “Ace of Spades” by Motörhead

The rise and fall of Ace Lagrange is one of the great cautionary tales in the history of disreputable regional independent wrestling. A rare combination of size, athleticism, and charisma, he was trained by the legendary Big Bird Machine, and became an instant star. By the mid 2000s, he was already a two-time Tri-State World Champion, (first winning it from Big Bird Machine himself in what was originally intended to be a “passing the torch” match, and second from President Evil) and after a whirlwind romance, he was married to Japanese rising superstar Yumiko Nakano, and the two enjoyed a life of endless partying and generally destroying their respective opponents. But then, he slipped one past the goalie, and the couple welcomed their son, Alan Jr., into the world, and it was time to be responsible adults, which Ace pretty much refused to do. Within a year, he was a full-blown alcoholic and drug addict, (no specific drugs, he just kind of ingested whatever was there) was pretty much banging anything with a pulse, and when he wasn’t missing shows, he was showing up wasted and losing his matches in embarrassing fashion. Tension in his marriage continued to mount, until the fateful night that is now politely referred to as “The Unpleasantness,” but is more often impolitely referred to as “the night Yumi caught Ace with a waffle waitress and almost castrated him.” Having lost his family, his career, his dignity, and – worst of all – his collection of rare and valuable Judas Priest records, Ace had hit rock bottom, then seemingly found some mining equipment somewhere and kept digging beyond rock bottom. But after several arrests and several subsequent stints in rehab, (paid for by his ex-wife) he insists that’s he’s good now, (borther) and although he’s past his athletic prime, mostly bald, (which wasn’t his fault) and a good 30 pounds heavier than he was before, he’s attempting a comeback. One day, he hopes to return to the heights of Tri-State World Champion and win his ex-wife back, (which is a much more delusional goal than winning the title at this point, honestly) but until then, he’ll settle for having made enough money to replace the ring gear he sold to some pervert to buy muscle relaxers, no longer having to fight in sweatpants and work boots.

Strengths: An all-around generational talent, and it’s easy to see why he was once viewed as the Next Big Thing of pro wrestling.

Weaknesses: …Then, after about ten minutes he starts to get tired, and you finally notice how fat, slow, and bald he is now.

Trivia: Prior to his relationship with Yumiko Nakano/La Grange, was romantically linked to TSWA star Justine Justice, and uhh… Judging by the dates I’m looking at here, Yumiko reeally should have known he’d cheat on her someday. Jesus Christ, you two.

Hey look, someone made an insanely outdated version of him in this weird wrestling game.