Well, first of all, I’d like to apologize for the general state of things lately. I’ve been lax in maintaining the website, (still got like 1,298 wrestler profiles to add, Jesus) and we haven’t been filming the shows, ever since Buddy From the Ring Crew got put on house arrest for some sort of cable-stealing ring he was behind. Not that we’ve been doing a whole lot of shows either way, with our finances the way they are. Either way, I’ll try to do better, and before we get into today’s shenanigans, here are the two shows from July that I never blog-posted about:
#23 – 7-13-19
1. OVER-THE-TOP-ROPE BATTLE ROYAL: Neal Grabowski defeated Rockin’ Roland, The Überklaw, BIG TREAT BOY, Peppy Wright, Grizzle 4 Shizzle, Bucko Clambake, and Humungulus
Eliminations:
Humungulus self-eliminated like a dumbass at 0:31
Bucko hit with a Kodiak Bomb by Grizzle at 1:51
Grizzle Tossed by TREAT BOY at 2:54
Peppy tossed by TREAT BOY at 6:47
TREAT BOY tossed by Neal at 9:35
Klaw tossed by Neal at 15:26
Roland tossed by Neal at 21:36
2. Bad Religion defeated the Turd Experience when Spike powerbombed Turd 2A at 26:51 ⭐⭐⭐ ½⭐
3. Ace La Grange defeated Tucker Schertz with a leg lock suplex hold in 16:26 ⭐⭐⭐⭐
4. Taco Belle and Pam from Human Resources defeated Stormy Knight and Virginia Slams when Pam CRITICAL!ed Stormy with a lariat at 15:18 ⭐⭐ ½⭐
#24 – 7-27-19
1. OVER-THE-TOP-ROPE CRUISERWEIGHT BATTLE ROYAL: Jackson Victory defeated Churd Grunson, Zippity Duda, Cobra Nightraven, Froggy Terry, Radical Jeremy, Agent Fang, and Doodlebug (I didn’t write down the individual eliminations)
2. Stormy Knight defeated Pam from Human Resources with the Multi-vortex Armbreaker in 16:20 ⭐⭐⭐ 1/2⭐
3. Rodimus Primo defeated Tupac Machine in 9:57 with a Huracanrana ⭐⭐
4. Big Dick Fuchs defeated Tyrannosaurus Plex (no star rating, for some reason?)
MATCH #1: OVER-THE-TOP CRUISERWEIGHT BATTLE ROYAL: Jackson Victory defeated Churd Grunson, Trondheim Troy, Doodlebug, Lil’ Xeljanz, Radical Jeremy, Captain STRUGGLE, and Froggy Terry in 24:17
This one was weird, because Referoth seemed to ignore a whole shitload of eliminations. Still, somehow, every elimination was over the top rope, except the Captain somehow knocked Troy smooth the hell out with a Phoenix splash. And for a match with a bunch of cruisers zooming around, this was… I dunno, boring as shit. There, I said it.
CRITICAL!
MATCH #2: Doctor Reverend Billy Wayne Humble defeated Gunnar Van Heusen in a roundabout 43:20 with a praying powerbomb ⭐⭐⭐ 1/2 ⭐
This was a weird show for officiating decisions, as it initially ended in a time limit draw that the Rating Nerds initially gave four stars, while the crowd demanded they get more time, which, I dunno, seems more like five-star behavior, but what do I know? Anyway, the restarted match wasn’t quite as special, and you have to think that taking damn near an hour to put away a pretty green rookie (who controlled most of the match) wasn’t the STRUGGLE debut that the good Doctor Reverend wanted. on the other hand, though, he had his “personal assistant” Miss Candy out in the crowd the whole time, passing around the collection plate, and apparently making bank, which I’m guessing had a lot more to do with her leaning over in a low-cut top than it had to do with a wrestling audience’s love of The Risen Christ. Everyone here is going to hell.
MATCH #3: The Grozny Twins (Dimitri & Ludmilla) defeated the Turd Experience (#2 & #2A) in 23:12 when Ludmilla used a Buffalo Sleeper on Turd #2. ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐
The twin offspring of TSWA (Tri-State Wrestling Alliance) legend Ivan the Awful came into this highly touted as some sort of Next Big Thing, and I get the feeling that the thought of being cannon fodder for a debuting team pissed of the Turds, because they brought their A-game. Of course, all this did was make the two Russian kids look that much more impressive, as they dished it out just as well as they took it. The two teams mutually brawled after the bell, which is probably a bad idea for the Turds, because the Groznys have another brother, their dad, and (allegedly) a whole lot of mob henchmen behind them, and the Turds are basically friendless, due to being turds.
MATCH #4: DECLINE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION TOURNAMENT FIRST ROUND/EXPLODING BARBED WIRE DEATHMATCH – Screaming Rage Man defeated Doug Graves in 23:52 with that double powerbomb/DVD thing ⭐⭐⭐ 1/2⭐
We had fancy mats and aprons made up for the tournament, which was a bad idea, both due to the financial situation here, as well as the fact that between blood and edged weapons, that canvas is doomed. But it was Murray’s idea, and he made the order before he okayed it with anyone, so here we are. Of course, the crew forgot to actually put it on the ring, so we had to fuck up the normal ring mat with what ended up being one of the damnedest bloodbaths we’ve ever had. Rage Man and the fatter half of Team Twizzy just kicked the shit out of each other, until Rage Man, being a rage-filled man, kicked the shit out of Graves hard enough to keep him down for a three-count. Everyone involved with this should be ashamed of themselves, but like moreso than usual. Rage Man advances, and faces whoever wins between Toxic Walt and Nasty dick Bacteria, whenever that happens.
Watch MATCH OF NOTE: Blood, Death, Rage, and Twizziness from Turrible666 on www.twitch.tvMATCH #5: DECLINE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION TOURNAMENT FIRST ROUND/EXPLODING BARBED WIRE DEATHMATCH – The Korn Demon defeated Jezebel Grim in 7:33 with I Am Korn Demon ⭐⭐
Well, this was unexpected. Granted, Jezebel came into the tournament as an underdog, seeing as how she’s giving up 100 pounds or more to almost everyone else in the damn thing, but this seemed like it was over before it started. I think the problem was that as a pig-farming former juvenile delinquent, (she’s still a delinquent, just no longer juvenile) Jezebel could handle herself just fine in a blood-soaked weapon brawl, but the Korn Demon just suddenly drew her into a wrestling match, and a hellacious one, too. He just sort of went into a damn frenzy and hit every one of the moves he normally finishes people off with, one after another, and I’m not sure anyone on the roster could’ve gotten up after that. The former champ advances, and takes on the winner of Pitbull Van Scorpio and Father Mayhem.