Well, I’m gonna level with you people: While we are not legally allowed to disclose details of the settlement, the dipshit who drunkenly busted his ass on the ice at WAR PARTY 2021 really did a number on our finances. Furthermore, the search for a new source of funding has had… mixed results, so it’s time for desperately flailing in the dark for ways to keep the doors open. And folks, this one probably hurts worse than Black Wednesday did, because not only are we having to thin the roster once more, but we’re also having to give up a pretty huge chunk of STRUGGLE history.
Anyway, financial details of the deal will not be disclosed, but effective immediately and for at least the next two (2) years, STRUGGLE Pro No Police Involvement Championship will be under the control of the Extreme Wrestling XTREME promotion, and will now be rechristened the EWX No Police Involvement Championship, and seeing as how EWX is a lawless land where every match is anything-goes, it essentially becomes their equivalent of a world title. So they’ve got one before us. Super cool. As for the current champion, The KoЯn Demon will remain under STRUGGLE contract, but will defend the belt on EWX shows for the duration of his title run, and much as EWX talent has appeared on STRUGGLE shows, some of our more violent competitors will be welcome to make an occasional appearance over there. Speaking of STRUGGLE guys going over there, EWX has also signed Hoss Dojo graduate Lil’ Snooks Tutwiler, and has bought out the contracts of Nasty Dick Bacteria, the currently injured Pitbull Van Scorpio, and somewhat inexplicably, hapless jobber Bolphunga Slopsley. When someone inquired about whether or not EWX would consider trying to get NPI division mainstay Screaming Rage Man on their roster, EWX owner/recent Rage Man chainsawing victim Tony Unity just looked kind of scared and nervous, and abruptly ended the press conference. So I guess he’s staying put, for better or worse.
In addition to the wrestlers and title belt, EWX is also taking over the tentatively scheduled Decline of Western Civilization tournament, which – whenever it happens – is still expected to feature STRUGGLE talent, in much the same way the first tourney featured EWX people. Anyway, this gives us enough of a cash infusion to keep things afloat, at least temporarily, but leaves us without the closest thing we had to a heavyweight title. Good times, good times. No impending doom going on at all. No-siree.
In further culling of the herd, the still yet-to-officially launch Tri-State Lucha Libre has announced the signing of CANNONBALLS!, and across the pond in Japan, Hyper Pro Wrestling MOSES has signed recent Dojo graduate Dread Lobster. In happier news, Peppy Wright remains unemployed, and word on the streets is that his mom may force him to get a real job soon.
In other local news, Puño Dorado is planning on throwing a big debut show for TSLL sometime soon at his new Tri-State Luchatorium Arena. He’s really into the idea of cross-promotional shows, too, so expect appearances from STRUGGLE and EWX talent, and possibly others of a less-than-local nature.
Across the pond in the Tri-Prefectural Area, now that MOSES and women’s promotion Wrestling Superstars Notoriety are under the same corporate umbrella, MOSES has dropped its women’s division and moved all their female talent over to Notoriety. I guess this means we’re involved in sort of an unintended talent exchange situation with Notoriety, as for some reason, Toshiyo Nakano refuses to go back home. Something;s wrong with that whole family, if you ask me. Also, apparently the head honchos over there are planning some sort of supercard featuring both promotions, and they’ve actually requested a few STRUGGLE wrestlers for the show for some reason, although who we might send over there is kind of a sticky situation. Of all our people with international appeal, Big Bird Machine is still nursing head and neck injuries from basically fucking around with Rampage Hunter and subsequently finding out, Mrs. Honda will never allow President Evil to set foot in a MOSES ring, Mr. Nodawa will similarly never allow Yumiko La Grange to wrestle in a Notoriety ring, The Rockin’ Rocksmen and Hillbilly Grim are all literal senior citizens, and apparently, there was an incident at an airport from 2010 or thereabouts that has rendered Ace La Grange persona non grata from the entire goddamn country. I dunno, we’ve got some time, so we’ll figure it out.
Also, one last note, we’ve had to cut back on staff expenses (surprising, I know), so one of our ring crew guys made a deal here and there, so there will probably be a lot more news/updates from other promotions here, even though it will still be the STRUGGLE website overall. I’m not sure why places like EWX, MOSES, etc. would need to outsource their little news updates, seeing as how they could theoretically afford their own shit, but it makes Buddy from the Ring Crew an extra hundo or so a month, so who cares.