(The camera fades in from black, with a shot of a television in a dark room, showing footage of the infamous tag team championship match between the Think Tanks and the team of Big Bird Machine and then STRUGGLE World Heavyweight Champion Ace La Grange. With the voice of the late, great Tri-State Area legend Gunther Buckshank calling the action, it appears as though Bird and Ace are about to win the match and the titles, but just as Ace hoists Think Tank X up for his Royal Flush finishing move, Think Tanks manager Brain God, The Calculation Master frantically motions toward the back, and on cue, the gigantic Think Tank Z storms the ring. Chaos ensues, as the match devolves into a three-on-two beatdown, or considering the terrifying nature of Think Tank Z, effectively something like five-on-two.)
“Ladieth and Gentlemanth, dith ith a travethty! Ol’ Guth is callin’ for da bell, but Think Tank Z ith on a damn rampage, and the world’th champion ith in a bad way! Thumbody needth to do thumthin’!”
(The crowd suddenly erupts in cheers, as Lieutenant Governor Justice storms the ring, wielding a steel chair. Swinging wildly, he quickly sends the Think Tanks scattering)
“Ladieth and gentlemanth, the cavalry ith here, and boy howdy, da L.G. ith a houth afire! Da Think Tankth are down! Z ith down! And da crowd ith goin’ wild, ath da Dream Team ith thtandin’ tall onthe again! And ladieth and gentlemanth, I jutht gotta that that- WHAT!?
(Suddenly the Lieutenant Governor completely loses his shit and turns the chair on Bird and Ace, leaving both men in a bloody heap, as the crowd erupts in boos, trash begins filling the ring, and security at ringside has to fight off multiple fans attempting to rush the ring.)
“Thith is horrible! Ladieth and gentlemanth, thith hath become a thene o’ damn carnage! Da LG hath lotht his damn mind! We need to get thum help down-“
(Suddenly, the TV shuts off, and the scene is eerily quiet. After a moment, it turns back on, filled by the face of President Evil.)
“Ahh, how the years go by. Look at youngster go, my god, what was I, twenty… three? I think? Just a wee baby, with a steel chair and a heart full of hate. And that was it right there, the most important day in the history of professional wrestling. The day President Evil was born.”
“But it’s funny, though… The idea that while all this was going on, somewhere on the west coast, a lil’ Doc Wyatt was watching… A young Doc Wyatt being inspired. And you know what, kid? Maybe I misjudged you. You know, just to think that in some way, what I did may have helped shape you into the man you’ve become today… Wow…. Because you know? Honestly? That night changed my entire life. Everything I have now… All the money I’ve made, all the championships I’ve won, all the time I’ve spent traveling the globe, hell, my wife, my family… It all started when I gave Bird and Ace what they had been silently beginning for and cracked their heads open. But if I only knew then…”
“Doc… If I had known on that night that somehow, I played some small part, if I would be somehow, in some tiny way be responsible for you and the wrestler you’ve become? I’d have stayed in the back, I’d have let Z have his way with those two idiots, I’d have kept that stupid red, white, and blue mask on, and eventually I’d have sucked off a fuckin’ shotgun. You’re pathetic, Doc. A knockoff, a pale imitation of the real thing. You may be world’s champion, but now, it’s time to climb into that ring against the genuine article. It’s time to step into hell and fight the fuckin’ devil, boy, and now, you’re gonna get burned. Because Evil is forever. Evil Always wins. And this Sunday? Evil is gonna take your title.
(The TV suddenly goes black, as if by some catastrophic malfunction, complete with a puff of smoke rising from behind it. The voice of President Evil can be heard, starting with a chuckle and eventually escalating to maniacal villain laughter as the scene fades out.)