Also Known As: Yumiko Nakano

Finishers/Signature Moves: Knee Therapy, Cross Kneebreaker, Diving Stomp, Rebound Moonsault

Affiliations/Relations: Jezebel-Gun (founding member), The Dream Team (former), The New Queens (Olive Japan Women’s Wrestling – former), Ace La Grange (ex-wife)

Entrance Theme(s): “There Goes the Neighborhood” by Body Count (solo), “A Shogun Named Marcus” by Clutch (with J-Gun), “Angry Again” by Megadeth (2010s theme)

Back in the early 2000s, Yumiko La Grange (née Nakano) was a rising star with a crowd-pleasing mix of high-flying moves and martial arts prowess, and before too long, she was booked on what was supposed to be a one-month excursion to a few U.S. indy promotions. But after a trip to the Tri-State Area and a few shows with STRUGGLE Pro Wrestling, she ended up never going home. It was there that she met Ace La Grange, who was the reigning champion. He was handsome, muscular, and had a full head of lustrous hair and a sweet Camaro. The two were married and had a son, but Ace couldn’t adapt to the life of an actual adult, and spiraled into alcoholism and drug abuse, while poor Yumiko tried to maintain both a household and her sanity. Finally, things came to a head when she caught Ace in a compromising position with a (allegedly 16 year-old) waitress from a local Waffle establishment, and exploded. The following is an excerpt from the arrest report:

“Arrived at the residence at approximately 10:43 PM, where a large, Caucasian adult male was in a prone position in the front yard, surrounded by piles of burning clothing and having suffered apparent martial arts-based trauma. It was then that an Asian female, approximately 5’4” emerged from the residence and hurled what appeared to be an original Gull Records LP release of Judas Priest’s “Sad Wings of Destiny” album at the man’s groinular (sic) region, which shattered on impact. Officer made the decision to deploy taser and pepper spray when she began brandishing the entire 1998 Judas Priest CD reissue boxed set, while screaming some sort of crazy Chinaman talk.”

{Those were the arresting officer’s words, not mine. [Please forgive Officer Delbert McHugh for his unfortunate remarks; he’s from Wayne, Oklahoma and doesn’t know any better](Please forgive me for making broad generalizations about the cultural diversity of Wayne, Oklahoma)]}
After the divorce, (and a 90-day stay in the county jail) Yumiko was a changed person, growing angry and bitter, and changing her in-ring style from high-flying babyface to being a killer who mostly just kicks people in the face, because in her words, “I want to do that all the time, and it’s legal when I do it in wrestling.” Her personal life is a complete nightmare, having to juggle careers in both pro wrestling and real estate, having to deal with the endless burden of her ex-husband (and financially supporting him – he claims she took everything in the divorce, when the reality is that he lost his money in some sort of Beanie Baby scam), and serving as a single parent to her son, Alan Jr; a complete moron. Meanwhile, her barely-contained fury has done wonders for her wrestling career, so that’s something, I guess.

Strengths: An innovator of kicking the shit out of her opponents’ head/neck area with little regard for their well-being, and exceptional at most other aspects of wrestling, when she still bothers to do them.

Weaknesses: Possesses a pair of knees that have been described by local medical professionals as “totally fucked, dude, I mean completely torched.”

Trivia: Despite near-mastery of the English language beyond that of most American speakers, has an bizarre inability to use contractions in her speech, an affliction she chalks up to all the concussions.

Hey, somebody made an incredibly outdated version of her on this weird wrestling game!