(THE SCENE opens on a dimly lit gym with a wrestling ring in yhe middle of the room. Tri-State Area wrestling legend TUPAC MACHINE stands, arms folded, in front of the ring apron. As the camera slowly zooms in, an instrumental version of “Hail Mary” plays, before his voice can be heard as a voiceover)
TUPAC MACHINE: I’ve been in this game over 25 years now. A quarter century. Longer than some of these young cats have been alive. And in that time, I’ve been all over the world, and I’ve beaten everybody there is to beat.
(As he continues, the scene fades in and out on archival footage of PAC’s career, with an emphasis on scoring victories with several variations of his patented “All Armz on Me” cross armbreaker finishing move and posing with various championship belts.)
PAC: But you know something? People this whole time, been out there trying to change me. “Yo Pac, why not mix it up a little? You’ve seen some of the moves these young kids have been using. Add some flash. Modernize.”
(The interspersed video footage changes to other wrestlers using an array of impressive acrobatic maneuvers, including CANNONBALLS!’s 630 senton, CRASH FERRARI’s Phoenix Splash, and IMMORTAN JIMMY’s infamous Double Lotation Moonsault.)
PAC: And I’m just like, y’all don’t understand. It’s one thing when I beat somebody with the diving headbutt or the Liger Bomb. But when you get that armbar on someone, and you feel that will to fight leave your opponent, you feel them tap? That’s special. There’s no fluke wins, man, no “I wasn’t ready.” That’s your opponent telling you – telling you, man – “I can’t beat you. I give up. You win.” Ain’t nothing in wrestling you can do better than that.
And you know, I already said I been doing this for a long, long time. I’m not 25 any more. The clock is ticking, you know what I’m saying? Lately, I’m stating to think about my legacy, what I’mma leave behind. And I wanna leave this sport better off than it was when I got here, and lately, dog? I’m not feelin’ it. So it’s time to get proactive, to take what I know, to take the art of submission wrestling – the art of forcing another wrestler to tell you that you’ve beaten them – and teach the secrets I’ve learned to a new generation. Introducing B.A.R.S. – The Broken Arm Retaliation Society.
BLACK PANTHER MASK: The thing you gotta understand about this is that it’s more than a stable of wrestlers. It’s a movement. This is a revolution. We’re here to put everyone on notice, to change the facing a wrestling as you’ve known it. And fortunately, this revolution will be televised.
JUNIOR GRIM: It has often been asked whether or not pain is “all in the mind,” which is to say: is pain merely a definite autonomic response to external stimuli, or is it a more more abstract thing that can be affected by factors that exist outside the stimuli in question? Well, a recent psychological study conducted by Yale medical school set out to look further into this question, as well as several others.
(TUPAC MACHINE and BLACK PANTHER MASK both eye each other nervously, and PANTHER shrugs)
JUNIOR: But y’all, before I get further into this, let me first say that I have discovered several inconsistencies in their methodology, which have caused the data they collected to have several not-insignificant flaws. Fist of all, when it came to the selection of members of their control group, they failed to consider…
(TUPAC MACHINE kind of gives a throat-slashing gesture to the camera operator, at which point JUNIOR’s audio drastically reduces in volume to nearly-nonexistent levels, suggesting that her mic has been cut. Existing in her own little world, she continues speaking for quite some time, even after PAC steps forward and talks over her)
TUPAC: So… So anyway… What you’re looking at are two young, motivated, dangerous individuals, and under my guidance, they’re gonna represent the future of STRUGGLE Pro Wrestling. And this is only the beginning.
JUNIOR: …Because membership in the Broken Arm Retaliation Society may be by invite only….
BPM: ….But we’re always taking submissions.
