Tag Archives: huge assholes

RESTLEWRANKINGS! FOR JULY!

HEAVYWEIGHT DIVISION

  1. PRESIDENT EVIL
  2. Skip Legday
  3. Big Bird Machine
  4. The Korn Demon
  5. Black Panther Mask
  6. Ace La Grange
  7. Screaming Rage Man
  8. Hapsburg Raytheon VI
  9. El Hijo Del Big Bird Machine
  10. Doctor Reverend Billy Wayne Humble

Look, I hate the Prez. We all do. Maybe some of you don’t, but you’re wrong. But at this point, we all have to admit that for the time being, it’s his world, and we just live in it. So he’s pretty much the uncrowned World’s Champion for now. The Korn Demon’s rank may be a little low, seeing as how he’s actually the EWX champion right now. HR6 looked unbeatable for a while, but is seemingly dropping like a rock after pretty much getting embarrassed twice by Black Panther Mask. Hopefully, if and when we get the money situation sorted, we can get an actual belt, even if it will probably end up around the waist of a huge asshole.

WOMEN’S DIVISION

  1. Becky With the Evil Hair
  2. PARTY TIGER
  3. Jezebel Grim
  4. Yumiko La Grange
  5. Stormy Knight
  6. Lorelei Grim
  7. Soccer Ninja
  8. Zelda Lucabrasi
  9. Pam from Human Resources
  10. Virginia Slams

Becky is now a two-time champ, even if the second reign comes with a HUGE asterisk. TIGER remains a top contender, but her ranking may be deceiving, with her title rematch exhausted and the rumors about her legendary substance abuse taking a turn for the even worse as of late. Jezebel is the actual top contender right now, and Soccer Ninja looks like a potential superstar, and is moving up like a damn rocket lately.

CRUISERWEIGHT DIVISION

  1. Agent Fang
  2. Immortan Jimmy
  3. Uno Muerte
  4. Tupac Machine
  5. Captain STRUGGLE
  6. Froggy Terry
  7. Jackson Victory
  8. Cobra Nightraven
  9. Zippity Duda
  10. Radical Jeremy

There is no God, and if there is one, He isn’t on our side, as evidenced by The Evil Administration controlling both the current active singles titles. Jimmy theoretically has a rematch, but seems to have disappeared lately, while Uno Muerte remains solidly put as The Main Dude We Thought Would’ve Been Champ by Now.

TAG TEAM DIVISION

  1. The Grim Reapers
  2. Executive Solutions
  3. The Coke Brothers
  4. The 46 Defenders
  5. Team Twizzy
  6. BIG BOI SEASON
  7. Bad Religion
  8. Annihilation
  9. Them Mook Boys
  10. The Turd Boyz

The tag titles remain firmly lodged somewhere under a motorcycle seat out on the west coast, but with a title defense set for that big TSLL debut show… someday, that could change… someday. Then again, the Execs seem like huge assholes, so maybe the belts are better off elsewhere? Anyway, the Cokes haven’t been seen since the title loss, which is crazy, seeing as how it went down as an all-time great match, and they had less than normal to be ashamed of. The 46 Defenders have been quietly movin’ on up lately, Bad Religion seems to have fallen on hard times, and the looming specter of Annihilation has to concern pretty much everyone at this point. Also, there’s a pretty mean tag team with that name, too.