COOL ZONE #3 CARD!

1. Yumiko La Grange & Crawdad Hoshino vs. PARTY TIGER (STRUGGLE Women’s Champion) & Pam From Human Resources

This was kind of a last-minute addition where someone who hates being in tag matches and opening the show demanded to open the show in a tag match, because it represented the easiest way to jump the line and become number one contender. No way that’ll backfire hilariously.

2. Doctor Reverend Billy Wayne Humble vs. Hogarth the Unyielding

Can the power of Mount Olympus propel the big man past Humble and the thousand people he’ll more than likely have at ringside? Probably not.

3. Donita Zapata vs. Becky (With the Awful Hair)

A battle of truly awful hairstyles, and yet only one of the two looks like that involuntarily.

4. The Outside Agitators (Mayday & DIRECT ACTION) vs. The True Sons of Liberty (Vanzetti & Randall)

Skull Mayday and Comrade DIRECT ACTION finally get a confrontation with Garfield Vanzetti after he effectively got Skip Legday and Captain STRUGGLE effectively barred from the building. Not that this is relevant to them in any way, folks.

5. NO POLICE INVOLVEMENT CHAMPIONSHIP OPEN CHALLENGE – Tony Unity (champ) vs. ???

Not saying that I doubt the validity of this “open challenge” thing, but after Unity’s own employee took him to the limit at the last show, ten bucks says the challenge he accepts is from someone way less psychotic than Uncle Smelly.

6. Ace La Grange & El Hijo Del Big Bird Machine vs. President Evil & Agent 35

No countouts, no disqualifications, no way this doesn’t end with the ring painted a ghstly shade of red. Ace and El Hijo were stupid accept this match and even stupider to request it. There, I said it.

7. CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP – Immortan Jimmy (champ) vs. Froggy Terry

You can say a lot of things about Jimmy, mostly involving the phrase “crazy idiot,” but you can’t say he isn’t a fighting champion. As for Terry, he’s also a crazy idiot, so what can you do.

8. FINAL ATTEMPT EVER – Ross Coke vs. Crash Ferrari

It feels like people forgot that Crash broke Ricky Coke’s neck and Ross swore revenge like a whole damn year ago, mainly because Ross has been too out of it to actually show up when we’ve tried to have this match. But here were are once again, and Ross demanded the match with the stipulation that if he no-shows, it’s getting marked down as a forfeit loss with no rematches ever and no chance of revenge. And yes, we’ve lined up a replacement opponent for Crash, in case of nigh-inevitability.

news, rumors, and promos after the jump