MATCH #1- SUPER C-CUP 1ST ROUND: Rodimus Primo defeated Captain STRUGGLE in 8:56 with the Planta Retorcido Press
Nerd Rating: 100% 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
This match was pretty much all it could’ve been been. Two guys with similar styles just flying the hell around until someone eventually had to lose. Rodimus moves on to round 2, where he faces the winner between Tupac Machine and Radical Jeremy.
MATCH #2 – YASS KWEENDOM 2020 QUALIFIER: Agent Bulldog defeated Hoda Duda-Day, Zelda Lucabrasi, Taco Belle, and Jezebel Grim in a Fatalistic Five-Way by knocking Hoda the fuck out in 7:52
Nerd Rating: 75% ⭐⭐
This one was about all it could’ve been, but probably in a less positive manner when it’s a five-person clusterfuck. New referee Brown Shoes got knocked on her ass at one point, but managed to recover. Hoda Duda-Day couldn’t, however, so Agent Bulldog moves on to the actual tournament as the #8 seed, where she hopes to avoid getting her head caved in by #1 seed Yumiko La Grange.
CRITICAL!
MATCH #3 – SUPER C-CUP 2020 1ST ROUND: Froggy Terry defeated Zippity Duda in 4:40 with the Brainbuster Froggy Arrow
Nerd Rating: 79% ⭐⭐1/2
Welp, lightning finally stopped striking in the same place. Zippity gets his first singles loss, and it was an ugly one, as Terry barely broke a sweat. Not a great night for the Duda-etc. family, but a fine night for Terry, who moves on to round two to face either Jackson Victory or Uno Muerte.
MATCH #4 – YASS KWEENDOM 2020 1ST ROUND: PARTY TIGER defeated Becky (with the Awful Hair) in 8:55 with the Captain Morgan Latch
Nerd Rating: 95% ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Well, this one was weird. Things got off to a rousing start, with these two flying all over the goddamn place, until things just sort of… stopped. No one’s really sure what happened, if it was something to do with Tiger’s rampant substance abuse that seeped into Becky’s pores or what. Maybe we could’ve asked one of them, I dunno. Anyway, we restarted the match and the house resumed being torn down. Think Becky set some sort of top rope elbow drop record though, that was weird. TIGEr eventually came out on top though, with a crazy-ass rollup that was inescapable. She moves on to face either Bulldog or Yumiko.
CRITICAL!
MATCH #5 – DECLINE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION SEMI-FINAL EXPLODING BARBED WIRE DEATHMATCH: Pitbull Van Scorpio defeated Father Mayhem in 8:23 with the Tazmission
Nerd Rating: 99% ⭐⭐⭐⭐ 1/2⭐
This match had a priest involved, but God was nowhere to be seen in the building. The guy who held the original version of the belt moves on to face the other ex-chmp, The Korn Demon, while Mayhem will try and heal up for a theoretical tag team tournament.
MATCH #6 – DECLINE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION SEMI-FINAL EXPLODING BARBED WIRE DEATHMATCH: Toxic Walt Defeated Nasty Dick Bacteria in 25:19 with Ride the Lightning
Nerd Rating: 99% ⭐⭐⭐⭐ 1/2⭐
This one was wild, as no one actually seemed to want to win the damn thing. I think there were maybe five pin attempts, total, and by the end, the ring looked like a goddamn slaughterhouse floor. The crowd seemed to like it, though, because something’s wrong with them. Thrash metal beats punk, though, so Walt moves on to face Screaming Rage Man, which is never a good idea.
Overall, it was a good show, one the best in a long time. Also one of the only shows we’ve had in a long time. We should do another someday.