We’ve had an eventful week, as we saw the in-ring return of Big bird Machine, as well as a few behind-the-scenes business dealings that you didn’t already know about. Sadly, the biggest one is abut something huge that we’re not actually going to get to do do now, because scumbaggery abounds.

We were going to save it as a big surprisingly thing to throw out there once we got a TV deal, but there was actually going to be a big documentary series about STRUGGLE Pro. This guy came to us after he found out we were relaunching the promotion and offered to do a whole documentary thing about it and how we got to this point and whatnot. And it was going to be this whole big thing, like he had a camera crew and was just constantly interviewing everybody for weeks, just hours and hours of video, and he even managed to find a bunch of our old archival footage that we didn’t even think still existed. And allegedly, the thing was like 95% done and amazing, like he was telling us how Netflix wanted to buy it off him and all this crazy nonsense. It was going to be amazing; one of those “oh boy, this will really put us on the map, I sure hope nothing goes wrong,” things.

Then, like everything relating to this godforsaken company, it ended in surreal calamity, like the guy got arrested for making some sort of wildly illegal porn, and all of his video equipment and computers got confiscated, and there went the documentary. I really don’t know all the details, and I feel like I truly do not want to ever know, but according to the cops, there was a miniature horse involved, and we were strongly encouraged to take our spare ring canvas out back and burn it. (Sadly, it was a plain light blue practice one and not the rainbow-ass eyesore one) Fortunately though, Gummo managed to call in a few favors, (the cops around here love strippers and chicken wings of dubious quality, apparently) and we managed to get most of a transcript on a PDF file, as a decent stash of some pictures and video from the old days. (Not the pictures and video with the mini-horse, thank God)

So eventually, we’re going to try and cobble some of that together into one of those internet-bloggy “oral history” things. Tyrone From the Ring Crew was an English major, (which is why he’s working on a wrestling ring crew now) so we’re going to try and get him to get it all typed up and formatted at whatnot. So look for those to start rolling out on this website right here, soonish… maybe… I dunno. We’ll see. Have to check everything out with the lawyers and make absolutely sure the tapes are of wrestling and not… the other thing. Jesus.

Meanwhile, back in wrestling land…

• Talked to Big Bird Machine, and he says he wants to wrestle a full-time schedule. On one hand, that’s crazy, because no one knows how old he is, but he’s gotta be up there, but on the other, it’s not like we tour from coast to coast. Personally, I was kind of hoping he’d go part-time, because now, I have to work overtime to keep him and President Evil from crossing paths. That could get ugly.
• Initial names that have been thrown around as part of the Hyper Pro Wrestling MOSES talent exchange have included Sargent MOSES (think Captain STRUGGLE, but with more dignity) and Crawdad Hoshino. (Promising joshi wrestler whose name utterly baffles everyone) I’m kind of shocked that Murray’s been able to pull all of this off, because I was expecting just some of the rookies with the plain black wrestler panties who just throw German suplexes and lose all the time.
• Speaking of talent exchanges, we’ve decided to team up with local blood-‘n-guts/glorified backyard fed Extreme Wrestling XTREME to have some of their guys come over and compete in the No Police Involvement division. It’s mostly a sad crew of guys who stab each other and wear t-shirts to preserve their dignity, but that’s hardcore wrestling, I suppose.
• And speaking of a violent lack of dignity, the Tournament is getting put together to crown a new No Police Involvement Champion. So far, as the only ex-champions who are still here and will agree to do it, Pitbull Van Scorpio and The Korn Demon are in, but We’ll probably have qualifying bouts for the other 6 spots. We’ll probably have at least one or two EWX wrestlers in there, and so far, Jezebel Grim, Screaming Rage Man, Trondheim Troy, and both guys from Bad Religion want in. We’ll probably star the qualifying round relatively soon.

That’s all for now. Go away.