(THE SCENE: At the STRUGGLE offices in the old Blockbuster next to the arena, STRUGGLE President NATE RUGGLE and Head Booker/Everything Else UNCLE ABDUL are meeting with wrestler DONITA ZAPATA, who has been knocked out of action for the forseeable future, following the events of FALL FORWARD #1.)
ABDUL: Are you sure you wanna do this? I know you won’t be takin’ bumps out there all night, but there’s still a chance. I mean, Referoth got nailed out there last week.
DONITA: I know, but just.. Fuck man, I’m gonna be out of work for a year, probably. I’ve got to do something. And I already passed the written test, and the Athletic Commission signed off on it, somehow.
NATE: I guess so, but you do realize that we’re broke, right? If something gets aggravated out there and you need another surgery or something, we can’t help with it. Hell, we couldn’t help with the first one.
DONITA: Yeah, I’m well aware of that. Again, it’s part of why I need a fuckin’ job so bad.
(Suddenly, the door chime thingy dings, and FIRST LADY EVIL enters the room. To the confusion of everyone, she doesn’t say a word, and just kind of stands off to the side, looking at everyone with a disconcertingly serene smile the whole time.)
NATE: Uhh, can I help you?
FIRST LADY: (cheerfully) Nope. I’m good.
NATE: Sooooo… Why are you here?
FIRST LADY: Ohhhh, no reason. Just hnging out, seeing how a wrestling promotion conducts its daily business. Yep, just a regular Curious George over here, that’s me.
NATE: (suspiciously) Oh…. Okay… Anyway, the guy from the Commission should be here soon, and- (the door dings again) Oh hey, I think that’s him.
(The door opens, and a heavyset, middle-aged man with an air of authority walks in and introduces himself.)
RULES: Good morning. Dick Rules, Tri-State Athletic Commission. Is there a Nate Ruggle here?
DONITA: Well, I mean, I guess it depends on whose di-
(NATE elbows her in the side to cut off that train of thought, before reaching out to shake RULES’s hand, and having this gesture be completely ignored.)
NATE: Hi, I’m Nate. I’m assuming this is about Donita’s refereeing license?
RULES: Half right, it is about a referee. Am I to understand that STRUGGLE Pro Wrestling is the employer of one Ezekiel Roth?
NATE: Yes, he, uhh, we usually call him Referoth.
RULES: Okay. And at your recent show, entitled Fall Forward #2, you are aware he suffered an injury during the match between… (he looks at his phone for a second) the wrestlers known as Tupac Machine and Agent Fang – Whose identities are protected by the Baron Freebird Law.
NATE: Well, he got knocked down once, but he got right back up. What is this about?
RULES: …And did you observe any strange behavior after he “got right back up?”
NATE: (looks over toward FIRST LADY EVIL, and she responds by smiling sweetly and fluttering her eyelashes, which seems to disturb him greatly) I mean, I was backstage at the time, so…
RULES: Sir, a referee in your employ was involved in a collision with a wrestler, and when he righted himself, he counted someone out who was not an active participant in the match. Would you not consider this to be strange behavior, sir?
NATE: I, uhh… Yes, I would consider that to be… Strange.
RULES: Sir, when a referee becomes incapacitated, it’s the promoter’s duty to either furnish a replacement referee or declare the match a no-contest, and you did neither.
NATE: Well, sir, I wasn’t aware that-
RULES: Ignorance is no excuse, sir. Them’s the rules. So by order of the Tri-State Area Athletic Commission…
(FIRST LADY EVIL grins really big, leans forward, and stares directly at NATE and ABDUL)
RULES: …The match between Messirs Machine and Fang must officially be ruled a no-contest.
ABDUL: Wait, I thought the “a referee’s decision is final” rule would override all of this?
RULES: Maybe back in the 90s, sir, but rules change sometimes. As I said, the match’s results must changed to a no-contest, and owing the the strange circumstances of the match, the STRUGGLE Pro Wrestling Tri-State World Cruiserweight Championship must be declared vacant.
(FIRST LADY EVIL’s tone suddenly changes completely, to one of outrage)
FIRST LADY: Whoa, whoa, whoa! If it’s a no-contest, the belt should go back to the prior champion!
RULES: Like, I said, rules change, and that hasn’t been the rule since the late 2010s, ma’am. The belt must be vacated.
NATE: This is ridiculous, Tupac Machine won that match fair and square, and I’m not taking the belt away from him!
RULES: Well, alright then, in that case, STRUGGLE Pro Wrestling must pay a $75,000 fine, and STRUGGLE will be hereby barred from promoting any events within the Tri-State-
NATE: Yep, belt’s vacated.
RULES: Thank you for your understanding. Also, regarding Mr. Roth, his referee license will be suspended indefinitely, pending a full medical and psychological evaluation.
ABDUL: Aw hell, I doubt he could’ve passed a psych eval before he got knocked in the head…
RULES: …Then you’ve got your work cut out for you. Good day, sir.
(DICK RULES starts to leave, then stops and turns around, before handing a stack of stapled-together papers to DONITA)
RULES: Oops, almost forgot. (in an almost disconcertingly cheerful tone) Congratulations on your new referee license! Bye everybody!
(DICK RULES leaves, and NATE, ABDUL, and FIRST LADY EVIL all look completely dehected, while DONITA seems pretty pumped, all things considered)
FIRST LADY: So, uhh… Yeah. anyway, Becky…
NATE: Rematch clause?
FIRST LADY: Yup.
ABDUL: Okay, but everyone’s banned from ringside. And I mean everyone.
FIRST LADY: Yeah, well… It’s legal if the ref misses it.
ABDUL: …And the ref seeing shit doesn’t matter if it’s in a cage.
FIRST LADY: Hey, I didn’t agree to that.
ABDUL: Well, then Becky forfeits, and we find a new top contender. Them’s the rules.
FIRST LADY: Ugh, fine. Cage match it is.
ABDUL: Pleasure doing business with you.
FIRST LADY: Fuck you, Abdul.
ABDUL: Good day to you too.