Tag Archives: doc wyatt

A VERY EVIL CHRISTMAS

“Hello out there, friends. Your old pal President Evil here, having a nice glass of egg nog next to a roaring fire, soon to settle down for a long winter’s nap. And let’s be honest, I know what you’re all thinking out there: ‘Gee Mister Prez, this seems out of character for an irredeemable monster.’ to which I say this is absolute piffle! Look, I know my reputation, and I realize that as the cervical collar may indicate, the Administration has had a run of bad luck lately, but It’s Christmas! The best, holly-est, jolliest time of the year! It’s a celebration of family and togetherness, as well as the birth of our lord and savior, Christ Jesus, through which all or redeemed. You know, all of that bullshit. But most of all, it’s time to celebrate the spirit of giving! And that’s why I’ve put together a selection of the finest gifts for my pals at STRUGGLE and beyond!”

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TALES OF THE INTERNATIONAL OMNIPRESENT CAMERA!

SAN JOSE, CA: Outside a local hospital, STRUGGLE PRO‘s resident team of antagonists, THE EVIL ADMINISTRATION, are gathered to assess their current situation after a pretty disastrous month, and/or wait for a taxi back to their hotel. Following a sudden, humiliating, and injurious defeat to WARRIOR PRO World Champion DOC WYATT, a neckbrace-clad STRUGGLE final boss PRESIDENT EVIL is suddenly facing unexpected downtime, while everyone else is just bummed to be here, after only finding out a day before the event that seconds were banned from ringside.

PRESIDENT EVIL: I can’t believe this shit. This is a fuckin’ disaster. This was supposed to start the Year of Evil! I was going to get shirts made and all that shit! We should be heading home right now, with all of STRUGGLE’s singles titles, plus the world belt from this fuckin’ place… Instead, you idiots lost your titles, and then… Ugh, that little fucker, and his fuckin’ Diamond Cutter…

On sale now…?
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WELCOME TO HELL

(The camera fades in from black, with a shot of a television in a dark room, showing footage of the infamous tag team championship match between the Think Tanks and the team of Big Bird Machine and then STRUGGLE World Heavyweight Champion Ace La Grange. With the voice of the late, great Tri-State Area legend Gunther Buckshank calling the action, it appears as though Bird and Ace are about to win the match and the titles, but just as Ace hoists Think Tank X up for his Royal Flush finishing move, Think Tanks manager Brain God, The Calculation Master frantically motions toward the back, and on cue, the gigantic Think Tank Z storms the ring. Chaos ensues, as the match devolves into a three-on-two beatdown, or considering the terrifying nature of Think Tank Z, effectively something like five-on-two.)

“Ladieth and Gentlemanth, dith ith a travethty! Ol’ Guth is callin’ for da bell, but Think Tank Z ith on a damn rampage, and the world’th champion ith in a bad way! Thumbody needth to do thumthin’!”

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THE DAILY STRUGGLE #11

(NOTE: This used to be called The STRUGGLE Session, but we realized that was too good a name and will be using it for house shows going forward)

First of all, the biggest story as of late was Tupac Machine’s somewhat turbulent run in Warrior Pro’s G2 Tournament. After a hot (yet controversial) start, scoring wins over La Guerra De Sangre’s Super Mohan and Red Masterson, it ended disappointingly with to two straight losses to Trey Taylor and Jack Gold, thanks in no small part to intervention by President Evil and his Administration. Somehow, this also lead to an interpromotional war between STRUGGLE and La Guerrra, which also ended disappointingly, as a La Guerra vs. B.A.R.S./Evil Administration match ended in a time limit draw.

And in truly inexplicable Evil fashion, rather than participating in the post-show press conference like a normal person, he came back home, waited several weeks, and then clogged up a back hallways at The Vito giving a foul-mouthed and, quite frankly, barely-coherent press conference. Basically, it was a lengthy exercise in his pathological need to screw with people, and this time around, (and thankfully for the rest of us here) he seems to have aimed his personal Chaos Cannon toward the west coast. The following is a partial transcript:

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