Well, this show was kind of a clusterfuck. Uh, yeah, STRUGGLE LIVE! so on, and so forth. I took morning off to sit at home and wait for the cable guy to fix my shit, (AND HE NEVER SHOWED UP) and I let the ring crew guys book the show, and I guess on that end, they did pretty well actually, but so much went wrong on the technical end, especially that last match, Jesus. Anyway, I’m not making a highlight video this time, so feel free to watch the whole thing below, until Twitch deletes the video. Then, delete yourself, for all I care. But read the show report first.
Watch time for some wrestlings, I suppose from Turrible666 on www.twitch.tvMATCH #1: Bad Religion DREW Big Treat Boy & El Grande Chungus, obviously in 45 minutes
Nerd Rating: 97% *****
Another draw? Seriously!? Bad Religion has wrestled twice and went Broadway both times. I honestly can’t tell if that’s impressive or just sad. Both teams looked good overall, but I get the feeling that The Big Boys could’ve won this one if Treat Boy hadn’t spent so much time dancing while Chungus got his ass kicked. I get that he’s just a big ol’ boy who wants to have fun or whatever, but have fun when two disgraced men of the cloth aren’t beating he shit out of your buddy. Bad Religion has looked solid so far, but they’re gonna have a rough time getting into the title picture, if all they do is draw. Then again, the Coke Brothers are out of comission, so that’s one more spot they can fill, I guess. Fuckin’ Ricky…
Also, you can see what I was talking about earlier, starting the show off with that goddamn eyesore of a ring mat. I hated that thing when Stevie was in charge, and I wish Nate had throw it away. Might look into giving Chungus a bonus for bleeding all over it and giving them an excuse to pull out the Death Row mat instead. (Which is also not exactly a paying sponsor these days, but hell, it’s pleasantly gray. I’ll take it.)
HIGHLIGHT!
MATCH #2: Pam From Human Resources defeated Hannah Bananarama with a power bomb in 6:48
Nerd Rating: 68% ***
Well, this time, it took her a lot longer than 16 seconds, but this may have been an even worse ass-whipping than Pam’s first match. If anything, Hannah was impressive in that she kept getting up from some of the hell she was getting put through. We need to book Pam against stronger competition, I guess, because she might actually have a knack for this.
MATCH #3: Froggy Terry defeated El Hijo Del Big Bird Machine with the Frog Leg Remover (CRITICAL!) in 17:26
Nerd Rating: 88% ****
Not a bad debut for Bird’s boy, as long as you ignore the whole part where he got his knee twisted to hell and tapped out. And really, Terry may be giving up a good 50 pounds or so, but he can get nasty as hell out there, and you’re simply not gonna beat him in your debut match. Bird Junior’s got room to improve, but he looks like he could be special someday, and Terry takes some serious bragging rights back to the cruiserweight division after this one. The knee injury wasn’t even major. Nothing I can complain about here, except that Terry could’ve released the hold sooner. Gonna have a word with him about that.
HIGHLIGHT!
MATCH #4: Parking Lot Duval defeated Nasty Dick Bacteria with the Backseat Nap in 13:13
Nerd Rating: 81% ****
Duval looked like the ring general he was before his life fell apart out there. Nasty Dick tried as hard as he could to draw him into a street fight he couldn’t win, but Duval kept it a wrestling match and pulled off a big win here. Happy for him; maybe if he keeps this up, he’ll get to move out of his car and live indoors soon. I’m not sure what was up with Dick’s pants; he looked more like a mariachi than a punk rocker. Then again, that may be the style now, for all I know.
MATCH #5: Zelda Lucabrasi defeated Hoda Duda-Day with an Italian Suplex (German, duh) in 21:30
Nerd Rating: 100% *****
Well, I’ll be damned. A green-ass rookie (is she even 20 yet? Jesus.) wins in her first match against the elder stateswoman of STRUGGLE Pro. I guess a lot of this is on Hoda, because I swear, it looked like she was trying to prove that she could still hang with the high-flyers, just constantly throwing dropkicks and whatnot. Fuck’s sake, Hoda, you gotta be pushing 50 by now, just stay in your wheelhouse and punch people in the face. Anyway, impressive as hell, even if that 100% Nerd Rating feels a bit high. God damn, though, that moonsault from halfway across the ring though, that was something else.
HIGHLIGHT!
MATCH #6: Zippity Duda defeated Marioluigi Lucabrasi with the wonderful Day for an Armbar in 15:39
Nerd Rating: 85% ****
Well, I’ll be damned again. It’s a Lucabrasi vs. a Duda again, and it ended in the exact opposite manner I figured it would have again. This time, it’s Zelda’s relatively accomplished older brother vs. Hoda’s emaciated adult son in his debut match, and damned if the kid didn’t win. And it wasn’t a fluke, either. He looked really really good out there, in a match against someone who’s essentially the same wrestler, but the size of an actual athletic adult male human. Zippity is five-foot-nothing and like thirty pounds, and it’s clear to everybody that he’s never even liked pro wrestling, and it’s a real goddamn shame, because he’s got a natural brain for it. If he could ever fully commit and maybe see the inside of a gym for once in his life, he’d be incredible. Until that happens, we’re just going to have to keep being shocked whenever he wins.
MATCH #7: Yumiko La Grange defeated Becky With the Awful Hair with a power bomb pin (reversal) in 13:33
Nerd Rating; 90% ****
Back in the old days, the ladies in Japan were forced to retire – whether they wanted to or not – at the age of 26, and I’m reasonably sure Yumiko’s a decade past that point, and she still looks un-freaking-stoppable out there. Becky gave her a good fight, but Yumi still beat her like she owed her money, hitting her with a top rope German that would’ve killed me, stealing her finisher, and then putting her down by reversing a last-ditch Frankensteiner attempt into a power bomb. Brutal, just a massacre. I’m not gonna say that there’s nobody on the roster right now who can beat her, but I will say that nobody we have right now can beat her on anything but their absolute best night. When we get a new women’s title belt, might as well go ahead and engrave that nameplate.
HIGHLIGHT!
MATCH #8: Skip Legday defeated Toxic Walt with the Corner Stampede that I’m not gonna type the full name he uses for in 17:14
Nerd Rating: 82%
Watching the replay, I honestly thought Walt was gonna pull this one out. He was dominant in the beginning and middle here, but when Skip gets going, he doesn’t do much, but what he does do hurts, a lot. Might have to book Walt in a few more non-hardcore matches, because he’s actually not bad at all at real wrestling. Come to think of it, we haven’t had any actual hardcore matches lately. Might have to throw a few out there next time, before Pitbull starts calling my house again.
MATCH #9: SPECIAL GHW SHOWCASE MATCH: Jezebel Grim defeated Doodlebug by beating his ass with a fucking bat in 12:50 (sort of)
Nerd Rating: 72% ***1/2*
Our fucking ring crew, I swear to God… First of all, this was a special showcase match for Grim Holler Wrasslin’, and these people are guests in our house. So what do they do? First, they put the wrong canvas on the ring, they got this nasty-ass thing from god-knows-where, just covered in dirt and mold and shit, and it was just throwing dust and probably mold spores and incurable diseases into the air so bad, that they had to restart the match with a new canvas. And the finish, man, I don’t know what was up there. I mean, I can see not knowing what to do when someone just starts beating the Christ out of someone with a baseball bat like that, but the match just ended, like the bell ringing was off, there was no music, no one hit the button that throws that “CRITICAL” graphic up on the Twitch stream, nothing. Just no fanfare whatsoever. Disaster. Anyway, if you can ignore that, it was a fun match. That little Doodlebug weirdo can fly like a sumbitch, and Jezebel is a monstrously violent person. Now, I gotta go find Hillbilly Grim and apologize to him for getting his eldest daughter’s boyfriend brained with athletic equipment and probably giving his middle child asthma with that stupid ring.
HIGHLIGHT!
Stats for the Nerds:
Approximate Length: 1 hour, 43 minutes
Average Approximate Match Length: 18:06
Average Nerd Rating: 84.8 ****
FIVE STAR MATCH! Zelda vs. Hoda
Watch FIVE STAR MATCH: Zelda Lucabrasi vs. Hoda Duda-Day from Turrible666 on www.twitch.tvNot a bad show, once you get past the production screw-ups. Now, go away.