(THE SCENE: The Hoss Dojo training facility, out on the edge of town, right past where the old Walmart (the one full of feral dogs) is located. The makeshift tag team of SKIP LEGDAY and CAPTAIN STRUGGLE have come here seeking advice on their upcoming WAR PARTY 2021 match from veteran OL’ ROSS GRACIE, but he is nowhere to be found. Extremely loud snoring can be heard from behind the door to Hoss’s office, and it is extremely awkward.)
SKIP: Soooo… Uhh… Do you think we should leave, or…?
STRUGGLE: Five more minutes.
SKIP: Bro, you said that five minutes ago.
STRUGGLE: I drive fifteen minutes to get here, we wait another five.
SKIP: I dunno, maybe we could just leave for a while and come back or something. It’s a thousand degrees in here.
STRUGGLE: Hoss say it build character. Allegedly.
SKIP: Well, I’m at least gonna go outside for a minute.
STRUGGLE: Hm. Probably a good idea.
(The two turn around and start to leave, when all of a sudden, the office doors fly open, and OL’ ROSS GRACIE appears, brandishing a double barreled shotgun.)
HOSS: ALRIGHT YA GODDAMN BUSHWACKIN’ RATTLESNAKE MOTHERFUCKERS! TRYIN’ TO ROB OL’ HOSS ARE YA? I’M GONNA FILL YOUR HIDES SO FULL O’ LEAD, YOU’RE GONNA SHIT PELLETS FOR A WEEK!
SKIP: HOSS! Stop, it’s us!
STRUGGLE: (Yells something in Japanese that I couldn’t decipher, due to being extremely monolingual, but based on my knowledge of body language and tonality, it was just filled to the brim with cusses)
HOSS: What? Aw hell, sorry boys. Ol’ Hoss ain’t got his glasses on. I remember y’all. Scoop Lindsey and his young son, Colonel SANDERS, right?
SKIP: Bro! You could’ve killed us both!
HOSS: What? Aw bullshit, this thing ain’t even loaded!
(HOSS pumps his shotgun several times, ejecting a shell onto the dojo’s dirt floor every time.)
HOSS: Huh. Well whaddaya know? Anyways, important part is that it ain’t loaded now, at least. I think. Anywho, what brings you two here?
