Tag Archives: executive solutions

TSLL SUPER LUCHA ESPECTACULAR REPORT!

So after much ado, the bug TSLL debut show finally happened, meaning there are now three semi-functional wrestling promotions (four if you count GHW) in the Tri-State Area. It’s like there’s some wrestling boom going on that STRUGGLE will never see the benefit if. Oh well. Anyway, they asked me if I’d put some sort if report here, and I said yes, so here you go. Gonna try to keep it brief, because I’ve got the Fall Forward #1 report to do, plus some of the lights in the arena are acting up, so I gotta get the crew to tear down the ring, plus I gotta rent a goddamn scissor lift now. It never ends. Anyway, watch the show, or perhaps read about it below.

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STRUGGLEWEEN 2021 RESULTS!

This sunday saw STRUGGLEWEEN take place, with surprisingly good attendance, despite us not having the budget to advertise it ahead of time, meaning that the goodwill from WAR PARTY 2021 continues. It also means that we don’t have to sell our blood to eat food this week, which is also a plus. WATCH THE SHOW HERE, then come back and read about it.

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TALES OF THE INVISIBLE EVERYWHERE CAMERA: TALES FROM THE TRI-STATE AREA

(THE SCENE: Outside the Vito Genovese Memorial Bingo Complex and Auction Barn, THE PHANTOM ROCKER approaches her car – a sweet 1987 IROC-Z. After she unlocks the door and prepares to get inside, she hears a familiar, angry voice…)

DONITA: HEY!

(ROCKER turns around to see her alleged older sister DONITA ZAPATA.(“alleged” sister, as in confirming such things would reveal a masked wrestler’s identity, which is illegal – but c’mon, that’s totally what the deal is) DONITA is conspicuously wearing her own early 90s-esque clothing, as opposed to the glam rock themed stuff she was forced to wear as a result of losing the “Hair Metal vs. Mask” match a while back)

ROCKER: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell are you doing!?

(DONITA angrily shoves a piece of paper into ROCKER’s hands)

ROCKER: Wait… What is…

DONITA: It’s from the Tri-State Area Athletic Commission. And it’s says that you can fuck off, Lita.

ROCKER: But-but-but-

DONITA: A lucha de apuestas contract can’t be open-ended, unless it’s a mask or a loser-leaves-town situation, and how long I had to wear that bullshit was never specified. Add in your abuse of the situation, all your goddamn Skittles or whatever, and the commission ruled that- like I said – you can fuck right off.

ROCKER: So… Are you just going to…

DONITA: What!?

ROCKER: Well… I mean… I just thought that…

DONITA: Lita, if you are about to tell that you had hoped this would be bring us together or some shit, don’t bother. I am fucking done with you. Congratulations.

(ROCKER, looking like she’s on the verge of tears, angrily throws the car door open, gets inside, and starts the engine. DONITA smugly looks on, then starts to turn around, before being interrupted)

ROCKER: I guess you’ve got a point, Donita. I mean, being forced by someone from your own family to look and act a certain way against your will? Why, that must have been awful.

(ROCKER guns the engine, recklessly backs out of her spot, and tears ass out of the parking lot, squealing tires and throwing rocks and shit everywhere. DONITA just stands and stares as she drives off, suddenly with a very distraught look on her face)

MEANWHILE…

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