Ah, hell, this happened like a week ago, and I just haven’t had the time, between the plumbing and some weird issues with one of the ring crew guys. Don’t ask; all shall be explained later. I’m going to try and be less long-winded with the match reports, because it contributes to these taking a week to type up, plus I’m not sure if anyone reads them. Well, you know. anyway, here’s the video, which Twitch will kill in a week:
Watch it’s them wrestlings, y’all from Turrible666 on www.twitch.tvMATCH #1: BATTLE ROYAL: El Hijo Del Big Bird Machine defeated Grizzle 4 Shizzle, Ugly, Stupid Bob, Tyrannosaurus Plex, Father Mayhem, Gummo Nakamura, Gunnar Van Heusen, & Mayonnaise Boy in 31:18
ELIMINATIONS
Grizzle 4 Shizzle knocked the fuck out by Gummo Nakamura at 15:40
Ugly, Stupid Bob top-rope senton-ed by Mayo Boy at 20:01
Tyrannosaurus Plex triple-Germanned by Gunnar at 22:28
Father Mayhem Spinning Bird-Bombed by El Hijo at 24:50
Gummo testicular-clawed by Mayo Boy at 25:58
Gunnar similarly clawed by Mayo Boy at 29:42
Mayo Boy hit with the One-Winged Canary at 31:18
Nerd Rating: 99% **** 1/2*
Kinda wished this had come down to Bird Jr. vs. GVH, but otherwise, this was about all you could want in a hastily-assembled battle royal. T-Plex ends up in the losing column again, and it wasn’t an over-the-top battle royal, either. Also, Gummo somehow managed to knock Grizzle the fuck out, through that bear mask. He used to be a boxer, you guys.
CRITICAL!
MATCH#2: Lil’ Xeljanz & Big Winthorp defeated The Turd Experience when Winthorp clotheslined the shit out of Turd #2A in 14:21
Nerd Rating: 75% ** 1/2*
It was revenge time, as a healthy Winthorp returned to destroy the man what rubbed poop in his mouth. Wrestling!
MATCH #3: Taco Belle defeated Cyberta with the Seven Layer Driver in 15:32
Nerd Rating: 70% * 1/2*
Absolutely fantastic match, and there’s really no good explanation for why The Nerds hated it so much. Cyberta loses again, and outside of the original Think Tanks, Brain God’s stable has had a lot of trouble lately. Cyberta hasn’t won a match yet, despite looking strong every time she goes out there, and Humungulus hasn’t been seen since disappointing in his debut. The Think Tank is quickly falling behind the Evil Administration as the chief bad guy team around here, and I’m sure this pisses B.G. off a lot.
HIGHLGHT!
MATCH #4: Parking Lot Duval defeated the Uberklaw with the Wheel Clutch in 17:38
Nerd Rating: 90%
Great match, just like every match with Duval in it tends to be. Klaw looks strong, but loses, as Klaw matches tend to go.
MATCH #5: Big Baby Lucifer defeated Hillbilly Grim in 25:19 with a powerbomb CRITICAL!
Nerd Rating: 84% ***
Two 400-plus pound men with a combined age of somewhere around 90 had a barn-burner that went right up against the time limit. Who woulda thunk it? Baby is back to magically not having a broken arm, and Grim is day-to-day with neck soreness.
MATCH #6: The Lucabrasi Family defeated the Duda Family when Zelda hit When the Moonsault Hits Your Eye on Zippity Duda in 21:10
Nerd Rating: 89% *** 1/2*
The war to settle the score, after Zelda beat Hoda and Zippity beat Marioluigi a while back. Hoda still hasn’t won one since coming back, and backstage, she cussed the kid like a dog, because that’s just how she is.
MATCH #7: Black Tiger Mask defeated Neal Grabowski with a top-rope enzuigiri in 20:23
Nerd Rating: 73% **
Neal looked good for a tag team guy in his first singles match, but he got gassed late. BTM continues to look like a future world champ.
MATCH #8: President Evil defeated Big Dick Fuchs in 10:25 with the Constitutional Crisis in 10:25
Nerd Rating: 65% *
The Prez is elite, just an absolute legend of the sport, so I figured Fuchs was going down in this one. What I didn’t figure on, though, was the Secret Evil Service being out in force, just constantly making their presence knows, either through providing weapons for their boss or direct violence. I don’t think anyone on the roster could’ve overcome those odds.
MATCH OF THE NIGHT!
Watch MATCH OF THE NIGHT: Tacos vs. Robot Arms from Turrible666 on www.twitch.tvI’m too tired to do the nerd stats. Go away.