Well, the good news is that an actual STRUGGLE Pro show is imminent. The bad news is that thanks to the recent parking lot-based maelstrom of violence, we’ve had to completely rework the card and delay the tag title tournament’s opening stages until next time. So here’s what we’ve got lined up, with the ever-present “card subject to change” asterisk:
THE SCENE: If you’re here, you probably already read the previous three installments. If not, go back and do that. Anyway, at the behest of HAPSBURG RAYTHEON VI’s personal valet MR. WEI, NATE and ABDUL have just run outside, where PRESIDENT EVIL and EL HIJO DEL BIG BIRD MACHINE are in the process of beating the shit each other, although to be honest, EVIL is definitely getting the upper hand. Meanwhile, an assortment of wrestlers and trainees from the Hoss Dojo next door have gathered around, because everyone loves a fight, I dunno.
After a brief exchange of blows, EVIL grabs HIJO and just sort of flings him into a nearby parked car, sending him crashing to the ground in a shower of broken glass. Being super pissed-off, HIJO gets up immediately and charges, to a chorus of assorted hoots, hollers, and heckles from the gathered crowd of onlookers.
PRESIDENT EVIL: Hahaha! Oh look, everybody! Baby Bird’s got heart! Shoulda stayed down, dumbass!
Continue reading TALES OF THE INVISIBLE BACKSTAGE CAMERA – ROAD TO THE COOL ZONE, PART FOUR: THE FAT IS IN THE FIRETHE SCENE: STRUGGLE Pro Headquarters, aka the last Blockbuster location to close in the Tri-State Area. Having spent the previous twenty minutes or so forcing a former world champion to run an AirBnB and almost having to fist-fight another former world champion, the STRUGGLE high command, NATE RUGGLE and UNCLE ABDUL, find themselves inexplicably confronted by local zillionaire HAPSBURG RAYTHEON VI.
NATE RUGGLE: So, uhh, what brings you here?
HAPSBURG RAYTHEON VI: Simply put, I am here to be your new world’s champion.
NATE: Excuse me?
HR6: Are you daft? I said I am here to be the champion!
NATE: No, I mean, I got that part, but are you even a professional wrestler?
HR6: I will have you know that I have hired the forty greatest professional wrestling tutors in the world, and then fired them and found forty who were even better! I have trained my body to the limits of human perfection! I am, without hyperbole, the greatest professional wrestler who has been or will ever be!
NATE: But… Have you even had a professional match yet?
HR6: What!? No, why would I even lower myself to doing such a thing?
Continue reading TALES OF THE INVISIBLE BACKSTAGE CAMERA – ROAD TO THE COOL ZONE, PART THREE: THE WAY OF THE WORLDTHE SCENE: STRUGGLE Pro headquarters, the details of which you probably read about in the last blog post. Resident arch-villain PRESIDENT EVIL has been called into company president NATE RUGGLE’S office, to answer for his recent attack on BIG BIRD MACHINE, following a guest appearance at Warrior Pro’s Warriorversary II.
NATE RUGGLE: Seriously, what is wrong with you!? I have cut you as much slack as I possibly could, Evil, but this is too far! The cheating, the fights backstage, what you did to Ace-
PRESIDENT EVIL: Ha, and remember when I smashed up Brain God’s car? That was a good one, too.
NATE: I was getting there.
EVIL: It’s probably why he left, come to think of it. Took his whole crew with him, too. Good times, good times.
NATE: (seething) Yes, and now he runs his own promotion, and won’t stop sending me passive-aggressive emails about it.
EVIL: (Not even bothering to contain his laughter) And from what I understand, it’s a bigger operation than your shit-show.
NATE: (frowns)
EVIL: Heard they got working plumbing and their own building and everything.
UNCLE ABDUL: Goddammit, Evil. Just stop.
EVIL: You know by now that I’m incapable of that, gramps. It’s why we’re here.
Continue reading TALES OF THE INVISIBLE BACKSTAGE CAMERA – ROAD TO THE COOL ZONE, PART TWO: BLOOD AND THUNDERTHE SCENE: The STRUGGLE Pro offices in the former Blockbuster Video next to the bingo hall/wrestling arena. Head booker/building superintendent UNCLE ABDUL stands on a ladder, poking around in a ceiling panel next to a non-functional fluorescent light. The front door chimes as it swings open, and former women’s world champion/Hoss Dojo assistant head trainer YUMIKO LA GRANGE enters
YUMIKO: Abdul? Hoss said you needed to see me about something?
Continue reading TALES OF THE INVISIBLE BACKSTAGE CAMERA – ROAD TO THE COOL ZONE, PART ONE: SCORPION BUCKET
