Tag Archives: president evil

STRUGGLE SESSION #6!

COOL ZONE #3 CARD!

1. Yumiko La Grange & Crawdad Hoshino vs. PARTY TIGER (STRUGGLE Women’s Champion) & Pam From Human Resources

This was kind of a last-minute addition where someone who hates being in tag matches and opening the show demanded to open the show in a tag match, because it represented the easiest way to jump the line and become number one contender. No way that’ll backfire hilariously.

2. Doctor Reverend Billy Wayne Humble vs. Hogarth the Unyielding

Can the power of Mount Olympus propel the big man past Humble and the thousand people he’ll more than likely have at ringside? Probably not.

3. Donita Zapata vs. Becky (With the Awful Hair)

A battle of truly awful hairstyles, and yet only one of the two looks like that involuntarily.

4. The Outside Agitators (Mayday & DIRECT ACTION) vs. The True Sons of Liberty (Vanzetti & Randall)

Skull Mayday and Comrade DIRECT ACTION finally get a confrontation with Garfield Vanzetti after he effectively got Skip Legday and Captain STRUGGLE effectively barred from the building. Not that this is relevant to them in any way, folks.

5. NO POLICE INVOLVEMENT CHAMPIONSHIP OPEN CHALLENGE – Tony Unity (champ) vs. ???

Not saying that I doubt the validity of this “open challenge” thing, but after Unity’s own employee took him to the limit at the last show, ten bucks says the challenge he accepts is from someone way less psychotic than Uncle Smelly.

6. Ace La Grange & El Hijo Del Big Bird Machine vs. President Evil & Agent 35

No countouts, no disqualifications, no way this doesn’t end with the ring painted a ghstly shade of red. Ace and El Hijo were stupid accept this match and even stupider to request it. There, I said it.

7. CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP – Immortan Jimmy (champ) vs. Froggy Terry

You can say a lot of things about Jimmy, mostly involving the phrase “crazy idiot,” but you can’t say he isn’t a fighting champion. As for Terry, he’s also a crazy idiot, so what can you do.

8. FINAL ATTEMPT EVER – Ross Coke vs. Crash Ferrari

It feels like people forgot that Crash broke Ricky Coke’s neck and Ross swore revenge like a whole damn year ago, mainly because Ross has been too out of it to actually show up when we’ve tried to have this match. But here were are once again, and Ross demanded the match with the stipulation that if he no-shows, it’s getting marked down as a forfeit loss with no rematches ever and no chance of revenge. And yes, we’ve lined up a replacement opponent for Crash, in case of nigh-inevitability.

news, rumors, and promos after the jump

STRUGGLE SESSION #5! – THE FRIENDS WE MADE ALONG THE WAY 2020 BRACKET

So the next stop on the Cool Zone 2020 non-tour is kind of a super-special, featuring the entirety of the tag team championship tournament, wherein the real gold is The Friends We Made Along the Way. The entire tournament bracket, plus one other huge main event match, after the jump.

Continue reading STRUGGLE SESSION #5! – THE FRIENDS WE MADE ALONG THE WAY 2020 BRACKET →

TALES OF THE INVISIBLE BACKSTAGE CAMERA – ROAD TO THE COOL ZONE, PART FOUR: THE FAT IS IN THE FIRE

THE SCENE: If you’re here, you probably already read the previous three installments. If not, go back and do that. Anyway, at the behest of HAPSBURG RAYTHEON VI’s personal valet MR. WEI, NATE and ABDUL have just run outside, where PRESIDENT EVIL and EL HIJO DEL BIG BIRD MACHINE are in the process of beating the shit each other, although to be honest, EVIL is definitely getting the upper hand. Meanwhile, an assortment of wrestlers and trainees from the Hoss Dojo next door have gathered around, because everyone loves a fight, I dunno.

After a brief exchange of blows, EVIL grabs HIJO and just sort of flings him into a nearby parked car, sending him crashing to the ground in a shower of broken glass. Being super pissed-off, HIJO gets up immediately and charges, to a chorus of assorted hoots, hollers, and heckles from the gathered crowd of onlookers.

PRESIDENT EVIL: Hahaha! Oh look, everybody! Baby Bird’s got heart! Shoulda stayed down, dumbass!

Continue reading TALES OF THE INVISIBLE BACKSTAGE CAMERA – ROAD TO THE COOL ZONE, PART FOUR: THE FAT IS IN THE FIRE →

TALES OF THE INVISIBLE BACKSTAGE CAMERA – ROAD TO THE COOL ZONE, PART TWO: BLOOD AND THUNDER

THE SCENE: STRUGGLE Pro headquarters, the details of which you probably read about in the last blog post. Resident arch-villain PRESIDENT EVIL has been called into company president NATE RUGGLE’S office, to answer for his recent attack on BIG BIRD MACHINE, following a guest appearance at Warrior Pro’s Warriorversary II.

NATE RUGGLE: Seriously, what is wrong with you!? I have cut you as much slack as I possibly could, Evil, but this is too far! The cheating, the fights backstage, what you did to Ace-

PRESIDENT EVIL: Ha, and remember when I smashed up Brain God’s car? That was a good one, too.

NATE: I was getting there.

EVIL: It’s probably why he left, come to think of it. Took his whole crew with him, too. Good times, good times.

NATE: (seething) Yes, and now he runs his own promotion, and won’t stop sending me passive-aggressive emails about it.

EVIL: (Not even bothering to contain his laughter) And from what I understand, it’s a bigger operation than your shit-show.

NATE: (frowns)

EVIL: Heard they got working plumbing and their own building and everything.

UNCLE ABDUL: Goddammit, Evil. Just stop.

EVIL: You know by now that I’m incapable of that, gramps. It’s why we’re here.

Continue reading TALES OF THE INVISIBLE BACKSTAGE CAMERA – ROAD TO THE COOL ZONE, PART TWO: BLOOD AND THUNDER →

BREAKING NEWS: BIG BIRD MACHINE ATTACKED FOLLOWING WARRIORVERSARY II

(copied and pasted from the Pro Wrestling Observator website, and if they say anything about it, I’m gonna send Rage Man to their office to get back all those free leftover Think Tanks shirts we gave them, by any means necessary – Abdul)

SAN JOSE – Chaos erupted backstage at Warrior Pro Wrestling‘s otherwise wildly successful Warriorversary II show, when visiting regional legend Big Bird Machine was assaulted following his match with Warrior Pro’s Rampage Hunter. Mr. Machine, who wrestles for STRUGGLE Pro Wrestling, an outlaw mudshow located in the South Central Tri-State Area, was delivering a post-match promo when he was attacked by a group of fellow STRUGGLE wrestlers known as The Evil Administration, who were not scheduled to appear. The group is notable for being led by President Evil, a former protege of TSWA legend Governor Justice as well as Big Bird Machine himself, and who was a former Tri-state World Heavyweight champion in STRUGGLE’s original incarnation that ended in 2011. He went on to have decent runs throughout the 2010s in various promotions such as Olive Japan and Neo-One, before repeatedly being fired for behavioral issues and returning to a relaunched STRUGGLE in 2017. Video footage has not been made available of the attack, but the following i a partial transcript:

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THE STRUGGLE SESSION! #1

This was a thing we used to do back when we still had TV, where we’d hype up the next show by getting the talent to stand in front of a big STRUGGLE logo backdrop thing (or a brick wall with an inexplicably-placed chain link fence in front of it, or just going to their home unannounced) and talk shit about each other. It did good business and looked good on TV, so when someone found the backdrop out back, (and cleaned the bird shit off of it) we decided to make a new edition of the the STRUGGLE Session for the upcoming SHELTER IN PLACE TOUR #4 show. Of course, as always, the camera that got used was the one that Buddy From the Ring Crew had put a big Post-It note on saying “BROKEN – DO NOT USE,” and since everyone here is an idiot, the footage ended up being a bunch of purple blobs. So as always, there’s nothing but a transcript we managed to put together. Anyway, I know the average wrestling fan can’t read, but maybe someone will get something out of what we salvaged – Abdul

Continue reading THE STRUGGLE SESSION! #1 →